Determination

I had an experience yesterday when I was in Nursery with Miles that I feel like I need to write down.  Miles has been going to nursery for a couple months now and loves it.  I hadn’t yet been in there with him for any length of time.  It was nice to go and see how he interacts with the other kids and what he does.  You can tell he just thinks he’s so cool because he goes to nursery (aka goes somewhere without mom or dad). 

 

It was time for the lesson so the teacher spread out a blanket for all the kids to sit on.  The kids promptly plopped down on the blanket.  It’s hard for Miles to plop down exactly where he wants to.  He kind of has to do it just right or he ends up in the wrong place.  Plopping and scooting are tricky with AFOs and his muscle weaknesses.  No one would really even notice or be able to tell, I’m just very familiar with it because I’m his mom. 

So Miles plopped down but had to do quite a bit of scooting to get himself on the blanket.  It was difficult to scoot on the blanket without wrinkling it, and to get his feet situated into the small space without kicking other kids.  What made my heart twinge was how determined he was to sit on the blanket with the other kids, not just close enough, on it.  He scooted and struggled and it was hard not to help him to save him from potentially feeling embarrassed.  What also made my heart twinge was that he wasn’t embarrassed or frustrated or noticing that it was harder for him than for the other kids, he didn’t look to anyone for help, he was just determined to get on the blanket.  Maybe it’s innocence and maybe it’s a way that having his disability has already strengthened him.  I wouldn’t expect him to really notice that things are harder for him because he’s too young.  But when do we learn to notice those things? 

I wish I was more like Miles.  I wish I didn’t focus on circumstances that I perceive as unfair.  I wish I focused all my energy on the goal instead of murmuring that things are too hard.  He is so determined and gets so much satisfaction out of being able to do things himself.  You can see it on his face and in his gait when he walks.  He’s so proud of himself.  I am so proud of him.