Hands that Work

I was thinking on my run this morning about the partnership we have with God in raising children.  He did most of the work already.  He created Miles’ spirit, he gave James and I the capacity to create mortal bodies.  I don’t think Heavenly Father intended to pass off the rest of the work on us or expected us to do it alone.  He wants us to be partners with Him in learning how to raise Miles, how to teach him the right and how to best help him succeed in mortality. 

 

1 week old.  At rest, he wanted his hands like this.

I guess the reason I was thinking about this is, I was pushing his stroller and realized my hand is able to direct the whole stroller, and what an amazing thing and blessing it is to have hands that work.  One of my greatest desires is to give Miles hands that work.  Heavenly Father knew Miles would have hands like he has.  It wasn’t a mistake.  He is allowing James and I to be in partnership with Him in getting him the rest of the way.  There have got to be a million reasons why Miles was given the hands he was.  I think of all the things I learn from having weaknesses and the strength that comes from lessons learned.  Miles has had lots of good care from lots of good people.  I get advice for how to help him from his Occupational Therapist/Hand Specialist, his Physical Therapist, the doctor who does his feet and is also a hand specialist.  The problem is that there are too many things we can do.  I’m trying to do them all and I realize I’m frustrated because I don’t know which is most important, which is going to help him the most.  And besides that I want him to have balance.  I don’t want to be in his face all the time, I want him to have time to explore his hands independently and just to play independently for gosh sake.  So I’m starting to seek for more divine help in this area.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know what is going to help him the most.  Not even the best PT knows as much about hands and more specifically, Miles’ hands as his Creator.  Nor does anyone know his future besides our Father in Heaven.  I am so grateful for the blessing of having a great Partner.

We've come a long way, still have a ways to go.

And while functional hands is a very great blessing, there are things that are infinitely more important than that.  We are entrusted to teach Miles right from wrong, how to be a good person, how to be a good citizen.  We are to teach him the purpose of life, the gospel of Jesus Christ, how to be happy, how to overcome difficulties, prepare him for life.  It’s so fortunate we have help from extended family, and to be members of the Church; to have other people who also teach and lead our children.  But I think the most important kind of help is from our Father in Heaven.  Why wouldn’t you want the help of someone who knows everything?      

I’ve noticed if I’m seeking it He will give me help in the form of ideas.  Ideas that don’t come from me.  Things that never would’ve occurred to me.  I know because all of the sudden I’ll think of something and it will come out of nowhere.  It happened last Sunday.  I was sitting there with Miles in Church and all of the sudden I thought “Massage!  Duh!  The muscles are tight, they need help relaxing.  Duh!”  I had never even thought of that, even though my neighbor has told me about her infant massage class.  And Miles is almost 6 months old, never thought of it.  There are lots of things like that which happen every day, if I remember to be humble and seek His help.

April

April 2013

We are having a good month!  5 months old today, I can’t believe how fast he’s growing.  Miles is using his hands more and more, holding onto objects and trying so hard to get things in his mouth but it’s still hard for him because of lack of flexibility in his wrists.  His elbows and shoulders are responding well to the stretches we’ve been doing with him.  His wrists are definitely better and he’s bending his fingers and holding onto objects.  Today he was sticking his fingers in Lucas’ (our neighbors’ baby’s) mouth.  It’s a start!

We continue to love his new club foot doctor, Dr. Benson.  She is doing a very nice job with his casts and we’re hoping we’ll get him back in his brace in the next couple weeks, and hoping he won’t need another tenotomy.  She is a very personable doctor and it doesn’t hurt that she adores Miles.  He has all the ladies in the office captivated. 

First park visit and first time wearing his hat

James had two interviews for a supervisor position this month.  He didn’t get the job, but it’s promising that he was considered for the position.  He has been busy getting the young men ready for their Scout Auction next weekend and serving as the Young Men’s President in our ward.

Christy has been busy taking care of Miles, starting to get back into running and is doing some sewing.  She’s enjoying being a stay-at-home mom and is exploring the frontiers (frontiers for her, at least) of homemade baby food, physical therapy with Miles, diaper blowouts and “Play Groups.”

The scratch on his forehead is from the Velcro on one of his splints.  It's exciting because it means his shoulders are a lot more flexible.

Oh, man, it has been a little while...

Mustache March

March Madness

In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

March

 

It has been a pretty busy month, with ups and downs.  Miles was in his brace for the first part of the month, but when we went to follow-up on the brace (1 month later) he had lost some of the correction in his right foot, so he has gone back to casts for the past few weeks.  We’re kind of bummed about that, but it’s better to do it right NOW then to try and fix it when he’s older and his soft tissues aren’t as soft and he may need surgery.  Because he has arthogryposis in his hands, it means his feet are a little more complex than someone born with just club feet and no other congenital deformities, which means he’s more likely to have trouble taking correction.  His muscles want to pull him back to the position his feet were in when he was born.  Back to casts, which means no exercises, sponge baths, no socks, no need for footless pajamas, we’re more used to this.  There’s good things and bad things.  I do miss the real baths, I think he does, too.  But it’s really a short time, and we’re grateful he’s getting the right care, and that they care so much that he gets nice feet.

We weren’t super thrilled with his doctor who is treating his club feet.  She is kind of rushed all the time, and quick to make assessments, sometimes without even taking his PT’s opinion into consideration.  She’s started talking about doing another tenotomy, which is the surgery where they cut his Achilles, which he already had.  We had heard about another doctor in the area was the best, and had tried to get in with her originally, but she wasn’t able to fit him in within two weeks of birth, which gives you the most chance of success, so we went to the one we’ve been seeing since his first appointment.  There was a lot of things that we thought could be better, and hey, we’re paying for this, so we might as well try and get the best care possible, so we switched to the one who is supposed to be the best.  There are a few subtle differences, and some not so subtle, that just make me feel a lot more comfortable.  I just felt like it was a little haphazard before.  This new doctor is a lot better and she is also a hand specialist, which is awesome.  The course of events may be the same with this doctor as it would have been with the other one, but I just feel better knowing we did all we can, and I’d rather go to the doctor who seems to be more precise, takes her time, and is willing to answer all your questions.  She also tolerates baby’s crying a lot better, which is a good attribute to have in that profession.  She also uses less padding underneath the casting material so she has more control over the position of the foot. 

 

He continues to see an Occupation Therapist/Hand Specialist for his hands, which are looking beautiful, and has started seeing a Physical Therapist for his gross motor skills.  I really like his OT and PT, they have been awesome, and we’re seeing lots of good things with his development.

Watching "Duck Dynasty" with Dad on a snowy day

 

He’s started clasping his hands together at midline, and he’s getting them into his mouth more.  He’s started to grab onto things and holds them for a little while.  He has a lot more control over where his hands are going.  When his casts are off he likes to touch his knees and he’s rolling onto his sides.  He’s getting better at “tummy time,” and spends more time than he did before.  Usually tummy time ends because he’s frustrated with trying to get his hands into his mouth.  His motor skills are about a 3 month old level (he’s 4 ½ months).

Playing cards with Grandma

 

 He is talking up a storm, and has discovered shrieking this week.  You would think he’s upset by listening to him, but then you look at his face and you can tell he’s enjoying listening to himself.  Especially when he’s around people that are talking, he wants to join in, too.  He’s also started sticking his tongue out when he cries, what a weirdo J.  He is getting a little personality and we’re getting to know him a lot better.  He loves to look at himself in the mirror.  Sometimes he smiles at himself and quickly looks away, so I turn around and he’ll repeat it, it’s super cute. 

Pre-Walk

Post-Walk

It's nice to look back and realize how far we've come.  I loved him then and I love him now.  We want to give him the best opportunities we can.  Love you, Miles!

 

Self Worth

I have been struggling this week, and didn't really know why. It felt like a lot of the things I had struggled with before (with PPD) were coming back.

I was starting to realize, "I don't like myself." I thought all my attributes were either negative or part of post-partum depression and therefore: negative. Every time I went to do something I was telling myself, "You're just doing that because of (blank)," and really discounting everything about myself. I don't know when that started but it was getting bad.

Last night after we said prayers I realized something. Probably the Spirit whispered it to me, because I really don't think I could've come up with this on my own. If I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, then I love everything about Them. I love everything They do and are. I love all of their creations, and that includes ME. This was a total "AHA!" moment for me. I need to love myself because He created me, and He doesn't make mistakes. He made me hard-working, slightly neurotic, prone-to-worry, incredibly driven, unable to sit still unless I'm being productive, perfectionist, ADHD when I clean, obsessive-compulsive about what Miles eats, how much he eats, when he eats, someone who actually loves running, and is always thinking about how to use her time. Some of these strengths can be taken to a fault, but they can also be used in positive ways, and He wants me to. He knows I am capable of great things. He knows I can handle the challenges ahead of me. He sent me James because He knows who I am and who James is. He doesn't need everyone to be the same. It is our differences that make us so good together. This was very enlightening to me, and I'm writing it down so I don't forget it. Because I might. It makes so much sense when I read it back to myself but it really has taken me a long time to figure this out. I'm so grateful to the Spirit for whispering these truths to me.

I always learn a lesson like this and think that's all I will ever need to know, but I'm starting to know better. This is one lesson. Another one is coming. I'm grateful my Heavenly Father wants to teach me. I hope I can be ever-more teachable. I hope the lessons I learn can somehow be passed on to my children, and to those within my sphere of influence.  

AND a baby picture for good measure!
(Almost 2 months old)

Post-Partum Depression-The Good Stuff about it

I have been waiting, waiting, waiting to write about this because, partly because I've been waiting to get my act together with managing a newborn and haven't had the time, but also because I didn't feel like I could express it well.  I still don't know if I can, but I'm going to give it a good college try.  I don't want this to be too personal or melodramatic, so if you were worried about that, keep reading.  This is probably going to benefit me to write all this down more than anyone else.

 

First let me say (mainly to Tom Cruise):  Post-partum depression (PPD) is real.  Depression is real.  Particularly to the person going through it.  Whether it is biological, environmental, or both it is very real and can be very scary.  It becomes less and less real and less and less frightening as time goes by, and as I got more and more help.  It came very quickly after Miles was born, and was pretty intense, so I started asking for help right away. 

 

Psychotherapy has been very helpful, not because I "talk about my feelings," which is what I thought was all it was, but because my counselor has given me so many SKILLS for dealing with depression and anxiety.  The skills are what help.  They are skills that are helpful for life, for being happy, not just when dealing with some form of depression.  I would encourage anyone that feels like they could use this kind of help to pursue it because I'm so glad I did.  Also, Zoloft works.  It takes a while, which was hard, about 4 weeks before I really felt anything, but it has been helpful and I'm glad I got this kind of help. 

 

A lot of people are apologetic towards us about Miles, or feel bad that we have to go through something hard like this.  And while I appreciate their empathy and sympathy, the difficulties of having him casted and everything surrounding that are nothing compared to PPD.  That to me, was so much harder, and I believe, a preparation for helping Miles. 

 

 

 

 

First of all, we waited and wanted a baby for about 2 1/2 years (I know a lot of people wait longer or never see this dream fulfilled) so we were so grateful for Miles.  The night he was born and we knew he had some deformities, James and I talked before we went to bed (or like, didn't, because it's our first night with a newborn baby).  We both felt that Heavenly Father wanted us to have him, that he was trusting us with someone who needed a little extra care and compassion.  We are so grateful to have him.  He is exactly what we wanted.  I feel oddly proud to have a son with some special needs.  We don't know exactly what the future holds for Miles.  Most likely his feet will be corrected, but there are really no promises with his hands.  It's pretty experimental.  We don't think he has any mental disabilities but that's a possibility.  The doctors would say he's "syndromic," because it's both hands and feet, but I would be surprised, based on his development so far, if he had mental disabilities.  He is cooing and smiling at us, tracking things as they move side-to-side, moving his arms and legs and doing normal baby things. 

 

I know Heavenly Father allowed me to go through PPD because He wanted me to develop the strength that comes through adversity.  It's something I've been starting to figure out over the last 8 weeks, but it became very clear to me this morning as I played with Miles.  I put him on his tummy for "tummy time" and he started to fuss and cry a little, but was also starting to calm himself down. The thought came to my mind, "I wonder if he will eventually start to realize that I'm not intervening because I know it's good for him." And it made me realize that Heavenly Father probably thinks the same thing ALL THE TIME. We go through trials and they are difficult and we just want to cry and fuss and we even sometimes demand, "TURN ME OVER!" but He doesn't because He knows what's good for us.  And if you question if He knows what's good for you, it will just take you longer to overcome the trial.  It is not until we can calm ourself (with help from His Spirit and His words which we must seek out) that He is able to intervene, or know that He can let us endure it a bit longer or let the trial run it's course. He doesn't usually take our trials away while we are fussing and crying.  And He doesn't take them away if they are going to make us better.  And He doesn't give us more than we can endure.  

I am grateful for this trial for the strength it has given me.  Miles needs a mother with compassion for pain and struggle.  He needs a mother who knows her strength.  I should say parents, because James had to go through all of this, too.  I've learned that happiness is a choice.  I've learned that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.  I've learned to rely on and trust my Heavenly Father much more than I did before.  I've learned to appreciate the Savior and Atonement much more.  My scripture study and prayers are much more meaningful.  Although therapy and medication have helped, what got me through the darkest days was my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and my wonderful, wonderful husband and my beautiful, beautiful son.  I'm so glad Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. 

    

 

 



Miles' Blessing Day

Miles was blessed this past Sunday, December 23rd.  I took the picture above before church.  LOVE IT!  James is such a good dad.  One of my favorite things in the whole world is watching him interact with Miles.  Nothing better!  It was a beautiful blessing.  Some of the things that stood out to me are that he will serve in the church and serve a mission, that Heavenly Father is aware of his physical difficulties and that they won't hold him back, and that he will be influenced for good by the testimony of his parents and grandparents. 

(from left)  Bishop Doxey, Cody Taylor, Jeff Kirk, Keith Neumann, James and James Miles, Reed Haight, Beau Finch and Tom Bateman

The Mathatas Family

(from left)  Ernie Schippman, Jennifer Bateman, Laura Kirk, Susan Bateman, Jeff Kirk, Mike Bateman, Jim Scott, Tom Bateman, Joan Scott

James' dad and stepmom were able to come for Christmas and were there for the blessing.  My parents came from Parker.  Laura and Jeff came from southeast Aurora and Jen and Ernie came from Chicago. 

1 Month Old?!

 I can't believe Miles is one month old already!  He had a check-up today and he's doing good.  It's a little hard to tell accurately how heavy and how tall he is.  He's still a small guy, but he's growing and reaching the milestones for his age.  So tonight I put him on his stomach, and I know his casts give him leverage, but he turned over onto his back on his own.  Ahh! 

 

The OT/Hand Specialist at Children's Hospital said kids that have distal arthrogryposis end up being really smart because they have to start using their problem-solving skills early to learn how to get around.  She said to watch out because he will get into trouble really fast because of that.  Way to use your problem-solving skills turning over, Miles!

 

I went ahead and indulged myself in a faux-hawk. 

 

At the doctor today I asked her if it was normal for his pupils to dilate a lot when he's eating and looking at me and she said that is an expression of affection.  Aww.  Love that little guy!  He is so cute, I love kissing his chubby cheeks!